Catalyst Movement

So I decided to take this self-presented challenge for the month of October (clearly failed didn’t meet that goal so I’m trying it for November).  I’m going to start writing unedited.  I’m not going to take the time to bold sections that seem important that stand out for some reason.  Quite honestly I don’t know why I started the practice of bolding  words.  I’m a little bit anal retentive a little obsessive compulsive.  So I just kept it up because the idea that there wouldn’t be consistency from one post to the next kind of gave me a nervous tick.

I’m just going to be writing and not really worrying about coming off as clever or witty.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, if people find humor or some wit within the words I string together, that’s cool.  That’s awesome.  That’s great.  But it’s not going to be my intent or my focus for the month of October (November).  I’m just going to write.  I just feel really overwhelmed right now (not writing during October did not help this feeling go away) and I feel worn.  It reminds me of the song by Tenth Avenue North.  I already liked the song, but then when Mike Donehey explained that it was written because of – or not because of, but in response to – something his wife shared with him when they had a newborn.  Which was she was just worn out.  Late nights with the baby and all the things that having a newborn brings.  And I can relate to that right now.

Although I am overwhelmed and feel worn out, I also feel burdened with a lot of things I want to put on paper, or rather, onto my computer screen.  Just a lot of ideas, and feelings, and thoughts.  And again, I’m not going to be concerned about an audience.  I don’t even really think I have an audience.  Maybe some really loving friends and loyal…yuck, I hate the word followers.  But anyways, there are maybe a few people who read this.  And thank you for reading.  I appreciate seeing that it’s been read, commented on, or liked.  But I’m going to be a little selfish here and just write for myself.  And if people can relate, that’s awesome. That’s great.

Right now I can’t concern myself with an audience or how it’s received, because then I start second guessing myself and I start editing while I’m writing rather than just putting down the words.  I start focusing on the reception of the words rather than the words themselves.  And what I write loses a little bit of its authenticity.

So that’s my self-imposed and self-accepted challenge for the month of October (I had all sorts of reasons to not start writing again in October).  I don’t know if anyone else, any other bloggers, or Instagrammers, or Facebook posters can relate to feeling burdened with the concern of how their words or pictures are received.  Focusing on the presentation rather than just sharing without filtering, without constantly editing.  So, if you’re up for the challenge, I’d be happy to have some company.

side note – On October 4th I recorded three different blog entries using an app on my phone.  I thought that if I spoke the words and then transcribed them it would help with trying to edit while writing.  I like the practice and I think I’m going to stick with it for the rest of 2014.  Crazy how that isn’t a very long time.