We throw off the lie of perfection and cling to our identity in God as we strive to be whole, healthy, and fit. Our goal is wholeness, not perfection.

Archive for the ‘random’ Category

#NoFilter – Part 2

So I decided to take this self-presented challenge for the month of October (clearly failed didn’t meet that goal so I’m trying it for November).  I’m going to start writing unedited.  I’m not going to take the time to bold sections that seem important that stand out for some reason.  Quite honestly I don’t know why I started the practice of bolding  words.  I’m a little bit anal retentive a little obsessive compulsive.  So I just kept it up because the idea that there wouldn’t be consistency from one post to the next kind of gave me a nervous tick.

I’m just going to be writing and not really worrying about coming off as clever or witty.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, if people find humor or some wit within the words I string together, that’s cool.  That’s awesome.  That’s great.  But it’s not going to be my intent or my focus for the month of October (November).  I’m just going to write.  I just feel really overwhelmed right now (not writing during October did not help this feeling go away) and I feel worn.  It reminds me of the song by Tenth Avenue North.  I already liked the song, but then when Mike Donehey explained that it was written because of – or not because of, but in response to – something his wife shared with him when they had a newborn.  Which was she was just worn out.  Late nights with the baby and all the things that having a newborn brings.  And I can relate to that right now.

Although I am overwhelmed and feel worn out, I also feel burdened with a lot of things I want to put on paper, or rather, onto my computer screen.  Just a lot of ideas, and feelings, and thoughts.  And again, I’m not going to be concerned about an audience.  I don’t even really think I have an audience.  Maybe some really loving friends and loyal…yuck, I hate the word followers.  But anyways, there are maybe a few people who read this.  And thank you for reading.  I appreciate seeing that it’s been read, commented on, or liked.  But I’m going to be a little selfish here and just write for myself.  And if people can relate, that’s awesome. That’s great.

Right now I can’t concern myself with an audience or how it’s received, because then I start second guessing myself and I start editing while I’m writing rather than just putting down the words.  I start focusing on the reception of the words rather than the words themselves.  And what I write loses a little bit of its authenticity.

So that’s my self-imposed and self-accepted challenge for the month of October (I had all sorts of reasons to not start writing again in October).  I don’t know if anyone else, any other bloggers, or Instagrammers, or Facebook posters can relate to feeling burdened with the concern of how their words or pictures are received.  Focusing on the presentation rather than just sharing without filtering, without constantly editing.  So, if you’re up for the challenge, I’d be happy to have some company.

side note – On October 4th I recorded three different blog entries using an app on my phone.  I thought that if I spoke the words and then transcribed them it would help with trying to edit while writing.  I like the practice and I think I’m going to stick with it for the rest of 2014.  Crazy how that isn’t a very long time.

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Are You a Grownup or Adult?

I was a little thrown off guard when my seven year old asked me Saturday afternoon, “Are you a grownup or adult?”  I wasn’t sure what to think of the question at first.  So I asked for clarification “What do you mean?”  He went on to show me the book he was reading (one of the many Captain Underpants books he’s gotten from his school library) and there was a picture of a presentation type poster board showing that “Adults = three peanuts” and “Grownups = one screw + one baseball”.  There was no further explanation given, but he knew there must be a difference between being an adult and a grownup since his book used both terms.

To be honest, I kind of recoiled in shock when he used the word grownup.  I think I audibly gasped when he suggested that I might be one.  I don’t know if you’ll agree with my explanation or not, but this is how I broke it down for him.  

An adult is responsible but still a kid at heart.

A grownup takes themselves too seriously and has forgotten how to have fun.

Jesus compares the kingdom of God to the faith of a child.  For me, faith involves childlike imagination, risk, and humble dependence.  Grownups trade in optimism for cynicism and call it being pragmatic.  Maybe I’m over thinking it.  Maybe I’m reading into it too much.  While everyone should aspire to be a responsible, contributing member of society, I believe everyone should strive to remain a child at heart.  That’s my goal at least.  

You’re Already Amazing Monday: Just Kidding…

“Who Am I Really?” is the title of the second chapter.  Apparently I’m the girl who brings the wrong book with me on vacation.  I left my copy of the book at home, and accidentally brought the one I keep meaning to give my friend.  In other words, all of my underlining and margin notes are gone.  Ugh.  So…I’ll be re-reading the chapter tomorrow and posting a proper recap of the first part of Chapter 2 tomorrow afternoon/evening or possibly even Wednesday.  Phooey.

So I Was Thinking About ADH… Squirrel!

I’m not sure why God brought this topic to my mind this morning.  That’s usually how my thought process works though – randomly.  I had just put the boys in their rockers and out on the screened in porch so they could get fresh air while I made some breakfast.  And while I was hustling to make my shake and eggs as fast as I could, I started thinking about how much I disagree with the diagnosis of ADHD. No, I’m not one of those people who doesn’t believe in the existence of ADHD. If you are, cool.  But I’m not.

I totally believe that God blessed some of us with the ability to multimultitask (nope, not a typo) and more energy than others.  Whenever people offer me coffee I politely decline, letting them know that “God made me caffeinated”.  What I don’t believe in is our country’s obsession with treating ADHD like it’s a disease. I blame Big Pharma for that one.

I was diagnosed with ADHD my sophomore year of college.  You read that correctly COLLEGE. I started to see a therapist to deal with PTSD resulting from sexual assault and I walked out of his office with a prescription for Ritalin.  No joke.  I’m not mad at him, though.  If it weren’t for the accommodation that the diagnosis afforded me, I doubt I would have graduated from college on time. It also forced me to deal with my organization and time management issues.

I remember filling out the DSMIV questionnaire and wondering if somehow the creators of the test had based it on my life.  Then the kicker. The counselor told me that although I met the DSMIV criteria, he would need to see copies of my grade school report cards to confirm the diagnosis. Thankfully my mom suffers form a mild case of hoarding and she had most of  my report cards.

Every one of them reported something along the lines of “Very bright girl, but won’t stay in her seat.” And “Very gifted in math, but won’t stop talking.” And my favorite “Very smart girl, but doesn’t turn in her assignments on time.”  I can’t stand when students try to turn in late work in math.  It kind of defeats the purpose of practice.  But I digress…

We didn’t have Ritalin when I was a kid.  Why not?  Because no one was diagnosed with ADHD.  Why not?  Because moms like mine would kick their kids out of the house if they tried to stay in doors and watch TV while it was still light outside.  There were times when I would get back from playing with a friend down the street and if my mom thought I seemed a little too energized still she would tell me to go back outside and get more of my “ya-yas” out.

Although getting my “ya-yas” out helped at home, that practice didn’t serve me too well at school.  We only had one extended recess break to relieve pent up “ya-yas”.  And no amount of releasing of said “ya-yas” was going to help with my lack of organization and time management skills.

But I made it through grade school and high school.  I did not make straight A’s.  In fact, I only made it the honor roll one quarter in the 8th grade because my mom really wanted one of those stickers.  You know the ones.Today, most parents are more interested with the letter grade their student earns than the knowledge and skills they acquire (or in a lot of cases, don’t – in spite of what letter grade they earned).

As an adult I still struggle with these issues.  I do not claim ADHD though.  I will not wear that label.  Again, not because I don’t believe in its existence. I just don’t believe in the disease-medication approach.  So nowadays I exercise regularly to exert my “ya-yas” in a way that benefits my health.  At least once a month I purge my kitchen and dinning room of papers and try to keep pertinent paperwork organized.  And when I have tasks I need to get done, I make a to-do list and use a timer to keep me on target.

What will I do if one of my boys is suspected of having ADHD, you ask?  I’m going to tinker with their diets and enforce strict sleep schedules.  I’m going to have mandatory playtime outside whether they like it or not.  I will have them participate in organized sports if need be. I will teach them how to keep organized backpacks, binders, and how to use an agenda (day planner). If medicine is still necessary, so be it, but these are life skills that they need to master.  Life skills that a pill cannot teach them.

I would love to tie this up in a nice bow and ask you an engaging question to which you can respond by writing in the “comment” box.  But my next blog has been trying to interrupt this one the whole time I was typing so, gotta go.

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