We throw off the lie of perfection and cling to our identity in God as we strive to be whole, healthy, and fit. Our goal is wholeness, not perfection.

Posts tagged ‘busy’

12 Days of Christmas: Day 8 – Recharge

8th day

…my blogger friends gave to me: The permission to Recharge

Yes, I know that the 12th day of Christmas as January 6th.  But this year I have committed to finishing what I start.  Even if it isn’t the finish product I had in mind when I started.  I began writing this entry over a week ago.  But I realize now that the entry I started could easily be a blog series, so instead of trying to fit all of those words and emotions into a single blog entry I am choosing to start anew.

As women – regardless of our marital status, career choice, and maternal status – we busy ourselves and fill our days with meeting the needs of other people.  Real or imagined.  (The needs, not the people.  Who’s got time to meet the needs of imaginary people?)   We get so busy tending to husbands, bosses, co-workers, children, friends – not to mention the tasks on our to do lists – that we tend to put our needs last.  And we don’t realize how overwhelmed we are until our patience is running low and we’re struggling to find kind words or a gentle tone.

So, in 2015 I propose that we start setting aside time to recharge, to refuel.  Nothing crazy, maybe once a quarter.  Find a one day women’s conference in town.  Or a weekend retreat a few hours away.  I totally recommend the latter.  There’s something heavenly about waking up to quiet, knowing that all your meals will be made by someone else and you don’t have to clean up the dishes.  Did you just breathe a sigh of relief when you read that?  I did.  And then when you return home you are pleasantly surprised at just how ecstatic you are to be welcomed by a messy and loud house.

A search of “one day women’s conferences” on Google returned 254,000,000 results in 0.29 seconds.  “Women’s weekend retreat” only had 31,000,000 results in 0.26 seconds, but that’s still plenty of options.  Don’t want anything as formal as a conference or a retreat?  Then make a standing date with some friends for a mom’s night out or join a small group.  Just make sure that whatever is meant to refuel you doesn’t add to the stress that you’re seeking to alleviate.

Do you have a refueling plan for 2015?  If so, what is it?  If not, is there anything you did to refuel in 2014 that you’d like to do again in 2015?

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12 Days of Christmas: Day 7 – Create Margin

7th day

…my blogger friends gave to me: The permission to Breathe

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by life?  Whatever your work/family situation is, do you ever feel like you’re juggling too many activities/responsibilities/roles?  And let’s face it, although technology can simplify our lives, it usually reminds us via social media that we can be doing so much more, or at the very least do what we’re already doing with a lot more style.

So today, we give you permission to just breathe.  What’s that you say?  You don’t have the time to stop and breathe?  Or your living space is so cluttered that you can’t find a place to sit down long enough to enjoy breathing?  Well, here are some resources that may help you find the time and physical space to do just that.

Corie Clark’s “The Simplicity Project” is aptly named.  Her approach to simplifying our over-complicated lives is exactly that – simple.  She doesn’t try to push a multi-step program .  Nor does she just focus on the physical decluttering that our lives need.  She addresses the need to tend to our spiritual health, physical health, physical spaces, finances, and time management.  Her approach to simplifying is not only doable, but grace infused, which makes it more likely for recovering perfectionists to complete the project.

Simplicity Project

While “The Simplicity Project” touches on learning how to say yes and no wisely, Lysa TerKeurst’s “The Best Yes” really gets to the heart of the matter – people pleasing.  Too many “Oh, snap!” moments in the book to get into here.  If you can relate to any of the quotes from the front of her book {I dread saying yes but feel powerless to say no.  I hope there’s more to life than my to-do list.  I’m a little overwhelmed and a lot worn out.  I’m drowning int he regrets of too many commitments.}, grab a copy.

Best Yes

This last book, “Finding Spiritual Whitespace” by Bonnie Gray, comes highly recommended from a God friend.  Since it’s on the “Read in 2015” list, you can read her write-up of it here.

Whitespace

Permission to Be a Mom

My body is not my own.

My name’s Reina and I’m a recovering fitness addict, image addict – I’m not sure which one is more true.  The last time I was regularly active, it wasn’t so much of an obsession as it was a really positive outlet.  But once upon a time, I was a fitness addict.  I was more concerned about the end product and it overshadowed the joy and blessing of being able to move and breathe.  I pushed my body’s limits just a little passed comfortable in order to get stronger, and faster, and build endurance.  And let’s face it, I wanted to look good in jeans.

I’m definitely a recovering image addict, and I think that’s something I’ll struggle with as long as I’m on this side of heaven.  It changes, the degree to which I struggle with it.  And also the specific focus of the obsession regarding image, that changes.  There are better seasons, better days, and then there are those days and seasons when I really struggle to let go of the opinions of others.  I truly do believe that it’s an illness, disease, whatever you want to call it, that women are prone to be effected by more than men. Or maybe we just reflect it or act out on it in differently than guys do.  In ways that are more noticeable.  I don’t know.

One of the unexpected benefits of being a new mom of twins is that my twin pregnancy really humbled me in the area of obsessing over my fitness and image.  I was teaching fitness classes when I became pregnant with the twins.  I really enjoyed it.  I loved the endorphins, the comradery of teaching group fitness classes, the whole group dynamic – and it could be a class as small as two people.  One person actually, when it came to my 5:30 in the morning classes.  It was awesome to have other like minded people allow me to partner with them in the endeavor to get healthy and fit, to strive for progress over perfection.  We formed real bonds, created real community.

When I got pregnant I thought, “This is awesome!  I’m going to keep teaching classes and I’m going to teach until it’s time to give birth.”  Then we found out I was carrying twins and I was told that wasn’t going to happen.  The last class I taught was in early August and the next fitness class I participated in was in October.  And in those two short months I could tell the difference in what I could handle, or rather couldn’t handle.  The next time I worked out again was in December and whoa buddy, what I could do was limited even more.

During this time (August to December) I was gaining weight (to be expected) and battling pregnancy acne (as if I wasn’t self-conscious enough already with the rapid weight gain).  It was becoming more and more evident that my body was not mine.  My body was a home to the two lives growing inside me.  It was a cafeteria to feed them.  I was also processing their nutrients, their blood, their oxygen, their waste.  There were so many things my body had to regulate, and my body’s needs took a backseat.

And although I was okay with it during the pregnancy, I really did think that once they were born and I reached the six weeks recovery period (really eight with a Cesarean) that I’d be able to jump right back into working out.  More than trying to get back in shape, I was trying to get active again.  It took me several months of chiropractic care to get my hips and pelvis to stay put and not jostle out of place.  I started doing well for a few days at a time, which became a few weeks.  I was doing at home workout programs and seeing some real improvements in my endurance and muscle tone.  And then the boys went to daycare and I went to work.  They got sick and lovingly gave their stomach bug to me and my husband.  After that, it just seemed like every time I put two days together of working out that something else would pop up.  It really feels like – not as an excuse, but as a reality check – that God’s telling me that now is not the season.  Now is not the time to focus on my fitness, but to focus on being a mom.

Although they are not living in me anymore, and I’m not their house anymore, I’m still their number one source of nutrition.  I’m still supplying the majority of their nutrients through nursing or expressing milk and sending it to daycare.  So I really felt God focusing my attention on my nutrition and food intake.  Unfortunately, when I lost a few pounds in September, my babies lost weight, too.  I’m not sure if my weight loss was tied to their weight loss or if it was just the timing because they had another touch of the stomach bug.  Honestly, I wasn’t heartbroken about not focusing on my nutrition.  It’s not easy to eat 3,000 calories of healthy food every day.  It’s time consuming and it’s costly.

But that didn’t change the fact that I felt torn between being okay with wearing my maternity jeans and wanting to hurry up and “bounce back” to my pre-pregnancy body.  There’s a lot of pressure in our society for women to “bounce back” and look like their pre-pregnancy self with a quickness.  Never mind the magazines that feature new celebrity moms who have lost their pregnancy weight and more in less than three months.  Those magazine covers have been around for years.  When comparison rears its ugly head I’m able to remind myself that those celebrities have nannies, personal chefs, personal trainers, and they do not have the schedule normal moms do.  What gets to me is when I see normal moms on Instagram and Facebook talking about hitting that pre-pregnancy mark.  It’s much easier to get caught up in the lie of “Well, if she can do it I should be doing it.”  It seems like getting back to pre-pregnancy size or smaller isn’t just a goal anymore, it’s an expectation.

I know I’m not the only new mom (or new again mom) who is looking for, waiting for, aching for permission to be okay with walking in the truth that our bodies are not our own.  To be okay with the current season of life.  Not that there isn’t a time to lose fat and tone up. I just know now is not that season for me.  I’m not willing to give up what little sleep I get to wake up super early in the morning to work out before my house wakes up.  And after a full day – waking up around 4 to either nurse or pump, getting myself and everyone else ready for the day, working 9 hours, doing Mommy stuffy with our oldest, nursing and getting the twins ready for bed when they get home from daycare*, putting our oldest to bed, cleaning the kitchen and preparing all bottles and pumping supplies for the next day*, and spending time with my husband before going to bed by 11 – I’m spent and working out is the last thing I want to devote my time and energy to.  If you’re a mom out there and you’re able to juggle working full time, a newborn, older kids, a husband, nutrition, and fitness – mad props to you.  I’m just not there right now and that’s okay.

Since having the twins I’ve noticed that what and how we feed our kids is a huge deal.  I see plenty of debates via social media about breast feeding versus exclusively pumping versus formula and mushy food versus baby led weaning and all sorts of craziness.  I regularly see posts where women lovingly give one another permission to feed their children however they see fit, to do whatever is best for their family.  People say things like “As long as the baby is happy, healthy, and thriving, let’s encourage one another and not tear each other down.”  I see plenty of those posts.

We may not talk about it outright but I definitely sense that there’s this issue of “bouncing back” from a pregnancy and how long it takes.  I’d love to see just as many, if not more posts, of new moms (and new again moms) giving each other permission to enjoy being moms and not having to feel the pressure of to do so within a certain time frame.  Giving each other permission to be present for the very, very short period of time when our children rely so heavily upon us.

So if no one else out there on the interweb can relate, then so be it.  But if you can, please hear me when I say you have permission to be a mom.  Because that’s so much more than enough right now.

*when my husband’s schedule allows he helps out with these tasks

First Blog Post (5/07/13)

This was my first blog entry for the blog I never published.  I had a domain and everything.  I even typed it up but never published it.  I wanted it to be perfect.  I still struggle with the lie of perfectionism.  It is a daily struggle rooted in fear.  But I know that love is greater than fear, and I have decided to just “Say It” – whatever IT may be. (See “Say It” for more background info).

I lost some important items in the past several days.  I would dress it up and say “misplaced” but the simple truth is – I lost them.  Did I immediately pray and ask God to reveal the location of each item (as I’ve taught my son to do)?  Nope.  With the exception of two of the items (debit card and checkbook), I really didn’t get overly concerned until I truly needed them.

The first thing I prayed to find was the charger for the Nook my son and I share.  That was last Thursday.  My son and I scoured the house and car looking for it.  I even searched my work area, i.e. my desk and bookcase, of my classroom.  At one point DJ asked if I had prayed yet.  I told him I had and he suggested I try again.  I found it this morning when I finally unplugged a boombox my husband rarely uses but insists on keeping plugged into an outlet in the bathroom.  I had been meaning to unplug it for days but had too many more important things begging for my time and attention.

The next item I prayed about was my debit card.  I really didn’t want to see that look on my husband’s face – the one reserved for  me losing important things – again.  I trusted that it hadn’t fallen into the clutches of evildoers.  So, I prayed that God would give me peace until I found the card.

Now the checkbook kind of flustered me, I must admit.  The only reason I had it on me was because I couldn’t find the debit card. It was raining, my son was grumpy and hungry upon waking up from a three hour nap and I just wanted to get home.  Needless to say I was juggling too much to properly search for the checkbook.  So I used my personal – well, actually, my health and fitness business – debit card. I didn’t even bother to pray about it.  Well, I may have asked God to to let it fall into the hands of evildoers.

When I got to work on Monday I found my debit card.  Actually, my substitute found it and displayed it in such a manner that I could clearly see it but the wandering eyes of evildoers could not.  I found my checkbook as I went to grab my work ID from the side panel of my car door this morning.

So what have I learned over the last five days? Juggling too many tasks is when I typically lose something.  Be it something tangible like a debit card or intangible like peace, joy, patience, and gentleness.  Avoiding tasks is usually when I miss the opportunity to find those lost things.  I’m very grateful that my God is in the Lost and Found business.

side note: DJ and I are big Marvel and DC comic fans.  Hence all the references to evildoers.

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