We throw off the lie of perfection and cling to our identity in God as we strive to be whole, healthy, and fit. Our goal is wholeness, not perfection.

First Day Of Daycare

August 11, 2014

I officially return to work tomorrow.  The twins are starting daycare today, though.  We are trying to create a new routine so our mornings are as stress free as possible.  Also, I need a day to be away from them before I have to be at work all day.  Although I’m not dreading returning to work as much as I was, say three weeks ago, I still feel I have a bit of mourning left to do.  Today will be an opportunity to process this new chapter without the fear of crying in front of my colleagues.

My prayer today, and every day for the foreseeable future, is that when I get choked up by thinking of them, that God would replace my sorrow with gratitude and joy, and that I can live each day intentionally, as to not waste any time I get to spend with them, our oldest son, or my husband.  I will also pray that God allows me to leave the world of 8-5 (fellow teachers, let’s just all make believe for the sake of this post, okay?) so I can be as present in the lives of my children as my heart desires.

I'll Miss These Smiles

I’ll Miss These Smiles

ps – I’ve got no idea what we’re supposed to pack for the boys, so as soon as I finish my PiYo workout I will be calling to get that info.  So much for today being a stress free morning.

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parenting

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Gratitude Gained From a Twin Pregnancy

August 7, 2014

These are things that I took for granted (I think we all do) before carrying twins for 37 weeks and 1 day.  I had similar experiences with my first (singleton) pregnancy, but twins brought on my appreciation earlier.  I am listing these in no particular order.  No “Top 5” or “Top 10” list.  Who would want to read something titled “The Top 7” anyway?

Breathing

At first it was only difficult to breathe when I was sitting at my desk at work.  It turns out that when I thought the boys were going from Downward Dog to Child’s Pose at the same time, I was actually experiencing contractions.  I just figured they were really into synchronized yoga.  These contractions were most intense when I was at work, so I had to alternate between sitting down and standing – not doing either for more than 10 minutes at a time.  Then it came to the point where lying on my back, unless my upper body was elevated, became excruciatingly uncomfortable.  And trying to breathe during the last two weeks was just a joke.

Sleeping

I didn’t sleep much during the last trimester with our son back in 2007.  Carrying twins brought on sleepless nights much earlier.  Initially it was from having to use the restroom multiple times throughout the night.  Later it was from discomfort and pain.  The only upshot is that I didn’t feel sleep deprived the first few weeks of the boys’ lives – my body simply didn’t know any better.

Eating

Heartburn took all the joy out of eating.  Well, not all of it.  All things cow tasted yummy. I’m not a red meat eater, but the protein requirements for carrying multiples is crazy high and my body constantly craved it. Unfortunately, regardless of what I ate I had horrible heartburn.  Tums, which worked during my first pregnancy, were no match for heartburn brought on by carrying twins.  My OB said it was like bringing a slingshot to a gun fight.  So he suggested I try Zantac, and if that didn’t work I’d have to get a bazooka (can’t remember which prescription antacid).

Driving

First it was the difficulty breathing while sitting issue.  Then my belly forced me to move my seat back.  For the average woman that’s not a big deal.  But I’m 5’1″ and need to sit as close to the pedals as possible.  While I was on bed rest I had to be driven to my OB appointments.  Being chauffeured around town sounds much more glamorous than it actually is.  Especially when your chauffeur doesn’t drive the way you do.  By the time I drove myself it had been a month since I had been able to.  I was so excited.  I felt like the parking attendants who took Mr. Frye’s car for a joyride in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

Getting Dressed 

It’s the little things in life that I truly started to appreciate around the five month mark.  Putting on my clothes – especially undergarments and shoes – made me feel like I was the main act in a Cirque de Sole production.  What little sense of balance I had left was tested every time I had to change clothes.  And I’d never been so grateful for having a set of stairs in my house, as they were the perfect assistant for putting on my socks and shoes.

Bathing

Think “Getting Dressed” but in a wet and cramped environment.  Joy.

Moving

I was very disappointed when I was told that teaching dance fitness classes three to five times a week was out of the question.  Something about increased blood volume from carrying twins.  I figured I would still be able to teach PiYo Strength (now PiYo Live) well into the pregnancy since it’s low impact.  But I underestimated how exhausted I was going to be, and waking up early enough to teach 5:30 classes just wasn’t gonna happen.  I taught my last fitness class in early August.

The next time I moved with the intent to exercise was in October, at a REFIT Revolution instructor training.  In those two short months I went from being able to move freely to not so much. As a group fitness instructor I’ve offered many different modifications but at only twelve weeks pregnant, I needed more than I had ever offered my class participants.  I gained a new appreciation for participants who need modifications and I’m a better instructor for it.

Fast forward another two months to the last time I exercised before giving birth in March.  It was in December using a REFIT Revolution DVD.  I took modifying to a whole new level. For most of the routines all I could do was “side step touch”, but the music was upbeat (as always), so it was a great workout for my soul.

By the time I was put on bed rest in February, it was a struggle to get off the couch and walk to the restroom.  I reminisced about the day when all I could do was “side step touch”.  Joni Mitchell’s Big Yellow Taxi song comes to mind.  Now, 21 weeks postpartum, I am slowly returning to being fit, and I don’t take my progress for granted.  No matter how small or slow it may be.

 

So what about you?  Have you experienced something that helped you appreciate the little things?

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pregnancy

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You’re Already Amazing Monday: Chapter 2

This is my second attempt at recapping Chapter 2.  My first attempt read too much like a middle school book report.  Okay, maybe elementary.  So I’m going to share my personal highlights and takeaways from the chapter.

  • God planted the “Who am I really?” question in our hearts to help us understand who he created us to be.  If we don’t know who he created us to be, then we can’t fulfill the purpose he has for our lives.
  • Knowing who I really am is necessary to love God, others, and myself more.

Strengths

  • A strength is a personal characteristic that can be use on behalf of God in service to others.
  • The three strengths I identified – trustworthy, cheerful, supportive
  • God is the source of my strengths, I am not (Philipians 4:13)
  • When I come up short, I need to focus on who I am in Christ
  • My divinely created strengths are supported by my weaknesses, because if I was good at everything (which I’m not by the way), I wouldn’t focus on much of anything (which is difficult enough already with ADHD, thank you very much)
  • My assets (strengths) can easily become defects if I don’t keep my motives and their intensity in check

Skills

  • A skill is a strength expressed in a specific way that builds up others and benefits the kingdom – NOT the definition I would have given before reading this chapter
  • Mad props to Holley for referencing Napoleon Dynamite and making me giggle
  • The three skills I identified – relating, encouraging, guiding
  • Strengths stay consistent throughout life but the skills that express them can vary depending on the season of life I’m in
  • God wants my heart more than my skills – Thank you, Jesus.  Because some days I feel like a complete failure for not getting enough accomplished.  Or for not being cheerful or supportive enough.

My “Who” and Who I’m Called to Serve

These were my favorite sections of the chapter.  It took me several years to identify my social circles, and My “Who” served as a nice refresher.  This came at the perfect time, since I am returning to work after an extended maternity leave.  I don’t have the opportunity to regularly interact with adults (other than my husband), so remembering that I can’t truly share who I am with everyone there was a timely reminder.  Who I’m Called to Serve was an encouragement to keep striving to work on my dream of serving in ministry full time.

your strengths + your skills + who you’re called to serve

=

you making a difference in the world in your own amazing way

God’s Heart for Who I Really Am

This section made me cry.  Every time I read it.  Growing up, I struggled with being mixed.  I believed that I wasn’t Latina enough because I don’t fluently speak Spanish.  I believed that I wasn’t Black enough, because, well, I don’t look Black.  (I don’t use African American because my family is Caribbean and it just doesn’t fit) I knew that I could pass for being White but didn’t want to.  I wanted to be accepted for the unique person that I am.  I wanted to feel like I belonged.  God healed this particular heartbreak, but reading these words let me see how God has used the break to shine through me.

We are much more than pretty…we are wonderfully made.

We are much more than likeable…we are deeply loved.

We are much more than okay…we are daughters of the King.

I think the enemy tricks us into believing we are not enough because he knows if we discover the truth, we’ll be unstoppable.

Tears.  Tears of joy.  Tears of relief.  Tears of regret over wasted strengths and skills due to fear.  Tears of grace.  But then I wiped away my tears with a renewed sense of determination as I read these closing words:

Girls, let’s stop shaking in our boots and instead start standing tall for him together.

Let’s use our strengths, skills, and relationships to make a  difference.

Let’s be who we are, really.

I can’t do it alone – are you with me?

YES, I am!  How about you?

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grace, truth

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You’re Already Amazing Monday: Just Kidding…

August 5, 2014

“Who Am I Really?” is the title of the second chapter.  Apparently I’m the girl who brings the wrong book with me on vacation.  I left my copy of the book at home, and accidentally brought the one I keep meaning to give my friend.  In other words, all of my underlining and margin notes are gone.  Ugh.  So…I’ll be re-reading the chapter tomorrow and posting a proper recap of the first part of Chapter 2 tomorrow afternoon/evening or possibly even Wednesday.  Phooey.

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organization, random

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A Message for Fit Moms

July 31, 2014

I’m reading You’re Already Amazing by Holley Gerth (read it and stop by here every Monday to join the conversation) and this paragraph stopped me in my tracks. It couldn’t have come at a more perfect time, because a friend of mine was feeling defeated by a workout she has been doing.

Making progress in life is hard work. When we insist on moving forward as quickly as possible, we can wear ourselves out in a hurry. Sometimes when God makes us wait, it’s one of the most merciful things he can do. It doesn’t inherently mean we’ve done something wrong. In fact, it can indicate just the opposite – that we’re right between some really big things God has for our lives, and we need to rest up.

I shared the paragraph with her and let her know that I can totally relate to wanting to be better/stronger/smaller/more fit/smarter/more experienced/whatever right NOW. It can be difficult, disheartening even, to not make progress at the pace I would prefer. But then God slows me down and I’m able to be grateful for the progress I’ve already made. I can easily forget that I just had babies, because they’re growing so fast. Not to mention what carrying them for 37 weeks did to my body. Our bodies are amazing for enduring what they did to carry and birth children. We (and I’m totally speaking to myself here) need to be patient and loving as we ask our bodies, often force them, to do things that will make them stronger in the long run but hurt right now.

As difficult as it can be, I sometimes like to have to talk to myself as though I’m talking to my 7 year old.  He is every bit the perfectionist that I am, which can lead to frustration and heartache on his part.  And lots of nevers.  Like “I’ll never be good at” this or that.  When these words come out of his mouth I call him over to me, pet and cup his face with my hand, look him straight in the eyes and tell him – “Yet.  You’re not good at it, yet.”

So to my fellow fit moms (moms working on their fitness) I say – be grateful for the ability to do what you can.  Try not to focus on what you used to do or what you can’t do, yet. I’ve found amazing women to walk alongside on my journey – via Facebook, Instagram, and even Twitter – a tribe if you will.  When the lie of perfectionism hisses, we speak truth over one another.  Do you have a tribe of truth speaking, encouraging accountability partners?

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fitness, grace

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To the Christian Teacher in a Public School

July 30, 2014

An uplifting and encouraging call for teachers to live out our faith.

Paige Givens's avatarMy Story, My Song

How many times have you heard the term (or one similar) “They’ve taken God out of public schools!”? I’ve heard it many, many times but so far it has failed to worry me.

Don’t get me wrong, it saddens me that a teacher can actually get fired if he or she offends someone by praying aloud or teaching scripture in a public school. It sickens me that some school systems (not mine) have taken the phrase “under God” out of their daily Pledge of Allegiance. It frustrates and sometimes angers me that other religions seem to be tolerated so quickly, yet Christianity simply will not be tolerated in some public school systems. It makes me want to cry out “What are we doing?”

But when I get completely worked up over laws and rights, I feel the gentle push of the Holy Spirit saying this to me: “When was the last…

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You’re Already Amazing Monday – Chapter 1

July 29, 2014

Disclosure: It’s Tuesday.  As a mom of three boys, my day doesn’t always go as planned.  At 10:30 last night I had a decision to make: Type up my “You’re Already Amazing” Chapter 1 response or work out.  Since I had to take off several days from my exercise program due to injury, I decided to go with the latter.

Let me just say that I love Holley Gerth’s writing style.  I really do feel like we’re just hanging out over some coffee – or in my case, smoothies.  It turns out the secret she told us in the Introduction has a second part to it – the explanation.  We don’t have to be more, do more, or have more, because we’re amazing.  What follows this revelation has to be my favorite part of this chapter, an awesome declaration:

“You’re enough.  You’re beautiful.  You’re wanted.  You’re chosen.  You’re called.  You’ve got what it takes…not just to survive but to change the world.”

As soon as I read those words I started coming up with imaginative ways to carry them with me.  Too many words for a tattoo, even if I dropped all the “You’re”s.  Besides, I’m allergic.  Then I thought about using that program that takes words and overlays them in different shades of the same color and making a shirt.  Although I may still do that, that isn’t very permanent.  And before I could seriously consider having jewelry made with the words, I climbed  out of the ADD rabbit hole to finish reading the chapter.

Gerth goes on to explain the difference between being an “It Girl” and an “Is Girl”.  An “It Girl” is defined by the world’s ever changing values and fads, while an “Is Girl” has her identity grounded in who God created and called her to be.  I’ve tried being an “It Girl” with little success.  Even when I met some standard of fitness or beauty, there was always a higher degree to strive for.  It was exhausting.  And don’t get me started on the “It Girl” version of motherhood.  Talk about exhausting.  Thanks Pinterest.  Thanks a lot.

As an “Is Girl” I just have to be me, right where I am in life, exactly as I am.  Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t an easy calling.  Daily I have to battle doubt and insecurities.  But it’s not nearly as taxing as striving to be an “It Girl”.  Why?  Because to be an “Is Girl” requires me to draw on the strength and power God gives me, not my own.  Again, this isn’t always easy.  The world tells women, especially moms, that we can do it all and have it all, if we just _____ (you fill in the blank).  It’s tempting to operate in my own strength and tell God “I’ve got this”.  Although I still do this, I don’t try to go it alone for such long stretches of time anymore.  I get exhausted much quicker now.  I’m not sure if it’s wisdom or just aging.

Gerth closes the chapter by sharing that we are never too broken to be used by God.  She relays the story of a friend’s tragic loss, and how God told her that it’s through our brokenness that He shines to those around us.  Through our brokenness we can bless others.  I’m not a fan of being broken, but it’s awesome when I can connect with another woman, believer or not, over shared brokenness and assure her that God is working in the situation.

Have you already read the book, or are you reading along with us?  What word do you most need to hear and believe in the “You’re _____” statements?  Is there a particular trend or fad right now that you feel pressured to keep up with?

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You’re Already Amazing Monday: Intro

July 22, 2014

In her introduction to You’re Already Amazing: Embracing Who You Are, Becoming All God Created You to Be, Holley Gerth invites me to pull up a chair so she can share a secret with me.  It is a secret so profound, that when I read it, I exhale deeply and my whole body relaxes.  “You don’t have to be more, do more, have more.”

YAA Intro

My whole life I’ve struggled to feel like I’m enough – Smart enough.  Articulate enough.  Funny enough.  Sweet enough.  Attractive enough.  Strong enough.  Brown enough.  Bilingual enough.  Ethnic enough.  Enough for you to accept me into your circle.  Enough for me to feel like I belong.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve experienced a great deal of freedom in these areas.  But every now and then a small voice will hiss, asking me, “Are you sure you’re ______ enough?”

Just when that doubt starts creeping in, Holley speaks encouraging, empowering truth over me – “You’re a daughter of God, a holy princess, a woman created with strengths you’ve yet to fully grasp and a story that’s still being written by the divine Author himself.”  Whoa.  I believe I am a daughter of God.  So much so that it’s the first thing I write in any “about me” space of social media.  And I know my story is still being written because, well, I’m still here.  But a holy princess?  The mom of three boys who is ecstatic to get a shower before supper?  The wife who does her best but can’t seem to keep both the kitchen table and counters clean at the same time?  I have strengths I have yet to fully grasp?  I’m praying they include time management, staying organized, and budgeting.

But here’s where Holley had me hooked, eager to read more – “And if you really take hold of who you are and what you’re called to do, there will be no stopping you.  That’s because there’s no stopping him in you – and he’s got bigger plans for your life than you’ve even imagined.”  This quote ignites a fire in me because I know this season of my life is boot camp – preparing me for God’s next assignment for me, for what I’m called to do.  But there’s a lot of fear involved in knowing that this season will end.  There’s safety sticking around boot camp and not having to go into battle.  But the second sentence of the quote has me wanting to suit up and fight because it’s my life verse: With God’s power working in us, God can do much, much more than anything we can ask or imagine. (Ephesians 3:20 NCV)

Whether you’ve read the book before or not, I hope that you’ll join me every Monday to recap each chapter and share what it means in real life to embrace who we are and trusting God to mold us into who He created us to be.

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grace, truth

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Quick PiYo Home Workout Review: Week 1

July 21, 2014

Why a quick review you ask?  Because I spent THREE days writing out a thoughtful review of week one and subsequently lost it.  I’m not feelin’ a whole lot of love for WordPress right now.  ***Update: WP angels helped me find my drafts through their Live Chat feature*** But I digress…

Alignment: The Fundamentals (42 minute workout time) focuses on proper form.  I almost skipped it since I am a PiYo Live (formerly known as PiYo Strength) instructor.  Glad I didn’t skip it though, because there were moves I haven’t seen yet and therefore needed to learn and others I needed to practice.  If you’re new to Pilates, Yoga, recovering from an injury (or in my case, pregnancy) I recommend you do Alignment for a few days before moving on to the actual workouts.

Define: Lower Body (21 minute workout time) focuses on the lower body but incorporates enough upper body strengthening that you’ll be wondering why your arms hurt if it’s a lower body workout.  There are LOTS of lunges in this workout, but my thighs are already tightening up, so I guess I should be happy about that.  My core is in desperate need of strengthening, so I have a love hate relationship with the Warrior Three pose in this workout.  Here’s a clean pic I found:

Warrior Three

I am not yet able to bring my leg up that high, but Chalene Johnson keeps reminding us throughout the workouts that PiYo is all about improving.  Which is awesome because on Tuesday I needed to use a chair to balance but by Friday I was able to do it sans chair.

Define: Upper Body (19 minute workout time) incorporates a ridiculous number of tricep push-ups.  I never thought I’d be so happy to do ab work as I was the first time I did this workout, because it’s the only relief we’re given between all the push-ups.  This workout does not have a warm-up, so I used the warm-up in the Lower Body workout and switched back over to Upper Body.  The challenging move in this workout is the Kick Through.  I’m able to do it when we’re just putting weight on the outside hip, but not when the leg kicks through and out.  Chalene makes it look easy:

PiYo Kick Through

Sweat (37 minute workout time) is aptly named.  It is flows like a PiYo Live class, except it does not include a cool down with static stretching.  I felt fairly confident going into this workout, after having completed the Define sections.  I figured that if there was only one challenging move in each of those workouts then I’d be good to go.  Wrong.  This workout brought its own challenges – THREE of them.  The Lower Body section of this workout incorporates a lot of balancing moves.  The most challenging for me being the Runner’s Balance.  It looks like this, but you’re hinged forward, balancing on the support leg in more of a squat and the foot of the raised leg is pushes back.

Runners Balance

The next challenging move were the sumo squats.  My ligaments and joints don’t play well together since having the twins, so I had to continuously adjust my stance in order to put as little pressure as possible on my right knee.  I modified a lot when it came to the sumo squat section, especially the burpees.  I skipped them entirely and chose instead to modify with Michele Park.  I plan on writing Michele a love letter soon, because her modifications have gotten me through this first week of PiYo.

The last, and most difficult, move for me is complicated to explain and I can’t find a picture of it anywhere.  So, I’ll do my best to describe it and then update this post at a later time with a picture of me attempting it.  Here’s the sequence of the move: Plank –> Right knee to right elbow –> Extend right leg straight out.

Tips for the PiYo Home Workout – Week 1

1) Take a PiYo Live class if you can OR…

2) Find a Fit Club that is going to showcase a PiYo workout from the DVD set

3) Modify, modify, modify

4) Challenge yourself when you’re ready

5) Remember that Define: Upper Body does NOT have a warm-up so use the one from Lower Body

Disclosure: I am an Independent Team Beachbody Coach.  What’s that mean?  I’m a Beachbody customer who likes some of the programs enough to share my experience with other people.  By doing so I help them on their journey to better health.  And occasionally I get a “Thank you” check from Beachbody for doing it.

 

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fitness

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Already Amazing

July 11, 2014

Sometime this evening, I will be leading a workout routine, along with some wonderful women I met a couple of weeks ago, through REFIT Revolution, in North Carolina.  We worked on choreography and recorded several routines.  The one they helped me tweak is the routine we will be presenting tonight.  Unfortunately, I made a mistake in the original recording, so I recorded it again yesterday.

Now, I consider myself a fairly tech savvy person.  Not a tech geek, mind you, but I know my way around the internets (if you don’t get that reference you really need to check out Jon Acuff).  Well, apparently I don’t know my way around the privacy settings of Facebook.  I tried to share the video clip directly to the Facebook group we’re all in together, but it wasn’t an option from my phone.  Not wanting everyone to see it, I selected “Only Me” and then shared it to the group, forgetting that no one would be able to see it.

So I changed it to “Friends” and removed it from my timeline.  I didn’t delete it from my timeline, because I wasn’t sure if it would get deleted from our group.  I woke up this morning to notifications of likes and encouraging comments.  About the video clip.  That no one else was supposed to see.  I was mortified.  But then one comment hit me like a 2 x 4 – “Oh. My. God. You. Are. Amazing!!”  It was from my friend, and fellow twin mama (her boys were born the day after mine), Jennifer.

The thing is, I didn’t feel amazing.  At all.  Not when I was doing the routine – I was thinking about how frumpy I looked and that I probably should have worn workout clothes.  Not when I was done with the routine – I was out of breath and longing for the endurance I had before I got pregnant.

As a fitness instructor, I show the utmost respect, concern, care, and encouragement for people who are getting in shape.  I constantly remind them to do what they can and extend themselves some grace.  But until I read Jennifer’s comment, I hadn’t realized how I wasn’t offering myself the same respect, concern, care, encouragement, or grace.

My body is not the same.  Period.  It may never get back to the way it was.  I have to remind myself of that and be okay with it.  I want to strive for better fitness, and better health, but in a manner that does not belittle what my body has already achieved.  I need to celebrate my progress – daily.  I am going to focus on what I can accomplish, rather than what I was able to accomplish in the past.  Comparison is dangerous.  Especially when we compare ourselves to a former version of ourselves.  

Comparison v Grace

Jennifer’s comment and everything it stirred up in me reminded me that I’m exactly where God wants me to be.  At this particular time on my journey to wholeness, I am reading You’re Already Amazing by Holley Gerth.  That’s why when Jennifer told me I was “Amazing” it felt like a nod and a wink from God.  I would love for you to join me in reading this awesome book about grace and finding freedom in believing we are who God says we are.  Today is the last day to enter the giveaway.   

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fitness, grace

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