We throw off the lie of perfection and cling to our identity in God as we strive to be whole, healthy, and fit. Our goal is wholeness, not perfection.

On My Heart

July 10, 2014

Airplane landing

Our seven year old son flew out of Charlotte by himself yesterday.  I don’t know how I feel about it.  I am overwhelmed with a slew of emotions when I think about him flying across the country and spending two weeks with my parents (one week per set of parents) – alone.

I wasn’t worried about the flying part of the trip.  He’s been traveling to California since he was nine months old and has flown at least a dozen times round trip since then.  I know that he’s mature enough to fly solo – he knows how to behave on an airplane.  I guess it comes down to me being a little freaked out that I have a seven year old who is mature enough to fly solo.  In all of twenty seconds my thoughts race from flying solo to him going to middle school, high school, and then leaving home for college.

During our nighttime prayer and cuddle time I cried as I prayed for traveling mercies for his flights and his time in California.  He comforted me as best he could when I told him that he’s growing up too fast.  “I’ll still love you when I’m older,” he said.  “I know, but it will be different when you’re big and out of the house,” I replied.  “That’s like eleven or twelve years away, Mommy.  And I’ll come visit you every day.”  I cried harder, because I knew he meant it.  Just like I meant it when I told my dad I would always hang out with him, no matter how old I was.

I don’t have any poignant ending to this post.  I just wanted to share what’s on my heart.  I’m not familiar with the readers of this blog, yet.  I don’t know who’s in the audience.  But if you can relate or have any  words of wisdom to share, I’d greatly appreciate it.

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parenting

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Diet Update

The last time I posted I confessed that although I exercise regularly, my diet isn’t too stellar.  I said that I was going to check in twice a week – for some accountability – and share how my eating habits have, or haven’t, improved.  Uhm, so why didn’t anyone stop me and remind me that the 4th of July weekend was just around the corner?  Hot dogs, hamburgers, chips, soda (a rarity for me), coleslaw, and the cookie part of two Oreos.  That’s what I ate on the 4th.  Not too impressive.  But I’m not striving for perfection.  More along the lines of 80/20 clean eating – 80% clean 20% not.

I can do 100%.  I’ve done it twice before.  21 days each time.  The first was a Daniel Fast in 2010, and the Ultimate Reset last spring.  So I know it can be done.  The problem is I tend to be a little obsessive and compulsive when it comes to, well, anything.  I know that food is fuel and it shouldn’t be used as a reward or punishment (head knowledge), but it can easily become either if I choose to let it take over my thought life.  For me it’s all about balance.  After almost a year of not “too stellar” I’m ready to get back on the balance beam.

 Here’s my plan:

1) Incorporate More God Food

Eat More FOOD

2) Eat Less Man Food

I’m not a fan of bad language, but I love this acronym. 

Eat Less CRAP

3) Prep Veggies and Fruit

I’m not sure if I’m a Gen X or Gen Y gal, but I definitely know I’m a member of the Microwave Generation.  You know, a slave to convenience.  Ugh, that sounded horrible and stung with conviction.  If I have to wash and cut anything when I’m hungry the likelihood of me doing it is zero.  But if I put in the time before hunger hits, then I don’t think twice about grabbing a handful of veggies or fruit.

4) Track Water Intake

I hate to admit that as a nursing mother of twins I have not been tracking my water intake.  I’m not quite ready to jump back into tracking my food, so if you know of an app for specifically tracking water, I’d love to hear about it.

5) Go to Bed BEFORE 11

This one may seem unrelated to nutrition, but it’s not.  Adequate sleep helps to curb your appetite – especially where unhealthy cravings are concerned.  People have less willpower when they’re tired.  Period.  It becomes even more of an issue if you’re working out.  Your body needs time to repair itself.  Honestly, going to bed before midnight has been particularly difficult for me. Once all of my boys are asleep I work on my many hustles.  If you are not familiar with Jon Acuff, please click HERE.

 That’s it.  I figured this would be more beneficial to use as a check-in system than a rundown of what I ate over a three day period.

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grace, nutrition, organization, time management

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The Tipping Point

July 3, 2014

Domino Effect

You know that uncomfortable space between stagnation and change?  That’s where I’m living right now.  I’m living in the space cohabitated (spell check says I made up yet another word – score!) by head knowledge and a lack of action.  I am not writing this out of shame or guilt, but rather out of a desire for a transparency that will create community.  My prayer is that this post will be the catalyst I need to thrust me back into living more healthfully.

Yesterday I submitted, or resubmitted rather (gotta love technology), a guest blog post about getting and staying active.  I was very comfortable writing the post, as I have been active for almost two months now.  Activity, movement, and fitness come naturally to me. What would have made me uncomfortable?  Writing about nutrition.  Why?  Here’s a big clue: I just finished eating natural peanut butter out of the jar along with mini-allergen free chocolate chips.  The fact that it was natural peanut butter has to count for something, right?

But seriously…While I was pregnant with the boys, I didn’t just gain a lot of weight.  I picked up poor eating habits I had put down years ago.  When the boys  were conceived, my diet was the healthiest it had ever been.  I was eating clean and mostly gluten free.  Then came the exhaustion and ravenous hunger.  A dangerous combination for a former junk food junkie.

Now, 3 months after the birth of my twins, I am still making poor eating choices.  The first poor choice is that I’m not eating enough calories.  Nursing twins requires what seems to be a ton of calories.  The second is a natural consequence of the first – satisfying the craving for high caloric foods with low quality foods.  But I know that with some preparation I can easily meet my caloric needs, stave off cravings (can you say salty and crunchy?), and eat quality food.

So what’s holding me back?  A lack of want to.  Plain and simple.  Which is crazy, because I really want to eat better.  The problem is I’m not putting in the work to back up that sentiment. Ugh.  I don’t need to read another book on nutrition.  I don’t need any more head knowledge.  It’s the putting it into action are where I’m falling short.  I was just telling someone the other day “Either you want to do something or you don’t.  If you don’t, you can find a million reasons to not follow through.  If you do, you simply do it.”  I hate it when I say something before realizing it really applies to me.

I don’t know about you, but I need motivation and accountability.  I’m really good at motivating others and holding them accountable, but sometimes find it hard to connect with others who hold me accountable.  So here I am at the tipping point, between stagnation and change, humbly asking you to hold me accountable. I’ll check in twice a week – daily is unrealistic for me and once a week isn’t often enough – and rate the quality of my diet.  What is it that you need to tackle on your journey to living a healthier, more balanced life?  Feel free to reply in the comment section or come over to Facebook .

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grace, nutrition

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Mulligan Monday

June 16, 2014

golf-course

As I was watching the US Open this weekend with my husband, I gave thanks that I am not a professional golfer.  There’s no grace in professional golf. ( Anyone else get a visual of Tom Hanks shouting “There’s no crying in baseball!”?  Just me?)  The first, and only, time I played golf with my husband, he showered me with grace in the form of mulligans – several of them.  I was shocked the first time I realized that in professional golf, the players do not get such a gift.

But like I said, I’m no professional golfer.  So today, I declare this day to be a Mulligan Monday.  I started an at home workout program on May 12th.  It’s a reasonable workout – as little as 10 minutes if I don’t want to warm-up or cool down and it’s as challenging as I make it.  During the first four weeks of doing the program I missed a day each week for one reason or another.  Most people would say that having newborn twins is reason enough.  But now that I know that the best time for me to work out before they even wake up, I really don’t have an excuse not to get it done.

With the exception of the night David Sr., David Jr., and I all tried Rev Abs, I took all last week off.  I decided to use the time to regroup. I wanted to come up with realistic strategies to help me meet the goal of working out each day.

Strategy #1: Visual reminder – I drew up a crude calendar for the next four weeks and taped it up on the wall next to our television. I plan to put a check mark, or a sticker if I ever get around to organizing the teaching supplies I brought home, every time I complete a workout.  My prayer is that having the calendar right next to the TV will serve as a great reminder, not just for me, but also for my motivation squad – David Sr. and Junior.  For every completed week, I will be rewarding myself, not with food, but by buying some of the ingredients I need to make homemade sunscreen.  I’ve totally fallen down the rabbit hole with this whole DIY healthy and natural skincare thing.  (See “No Filter” if that last sentence left you scratching your head)

Strategy #2: Accountability – As soon as I log my workout on my calendar, I will report to my online accountability group.  I set an alarm on my phone to go off during the twins’ “big” nap to remind me to report to the group.  It will also serve as a push and shove for me to work out just in case I haven’t gotten around to it by that time.

Strategy #3: Eliminate excuses – I will keep clean workout gear downstairs, close to the TV room, or in it when possible.  This includes my workout clothes, yoga mat, shoes, and socks.  I am easily distracted, so I’m more likely to start and complete my workout if I do not have to travel upstairs to get my workout necessities.

The beauty of a Mulligan Monday, or any day of the week for that matter, is that there’s no need to wait for New Year’s Day or the first of the month to “start over”.  However, we do need to be careful to not abuse the gift of the do over.  It’s not really a do over if we are continuously starting over.  If we find ourselves constantly starting over, there’s a really good chance we never earnestly started in the first place.  When we notice this happening, it’s best to take a step back to identify our goals, get our priorities in check, make a game plan, and then implement it.

Are you in need of a Mulligan Monday?  In what specific area of your life?  I’d love to walk with you on your journey to wholeness.  Let me know how I can pray with and for you.  Feel free to email me at floyds07@gmail.com if you don’t feel comfortable commenting below.

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grace, organization, time management

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No Filter

June 12, 2014

I have been hesitant to  I have been reluctant to  I have been afraid to post postpartum pictures of myself on Instagram or Facebook.  Easter was unavoidable because we had family over and everyone was taking pictures.  How could I tell them, “No thanks, I’d rather wait until my skin clears up, my face isn’t so round, and I’m back to my pre-pregnancy weight”?  But if you look at my FB wall, or my IG profile, you’ll see that on Easter Sunday I flooded both accounts with pictures of my boys and posted just a couple of pictures with me in the shot.  Other than Easter, I think I have a handful of pictures with me up, but I’m either wearing make-up or used a filter.  and I most definitely strategized (auto correct tells me I just made up a word) so as to avoid showing any rolls or squishy bits.

I’ve never considered myself a particularly vain person.  Maybe when I was a pre-teen, but that was really to cover up other insecurities.  But pregnancy – especially a multiples pregnancy – can change a girl.  I didn’t mind belly pictures while I was pregnant because God was growing two miracles inside me.  But I wouldn’t let anyone capture my image unless I was wearing make-up.  And I probably still applied a filter.  Pregnancy hormones are no joke and they did a number on my skin.  I had never experienced acne like that.  And I not only had the pleasure of being embarrassed while I was afflicted with the acne, I now have the pleasure of wearing the scars. Oh, the joys of having the skin pigmentation of a “whitish brown” (you can thank DJ for that one) girl.

I felt like I had to wear make-up at all times, filter all pictures, and explain that I was pregnant with twins if anyone ever saw me without make-up.  That is, until just recently.  In May I rediscovered Francheska of “Hey Fran Hey”. I got a serious girl crush on her a couple of years ago, as she is curly girl.  And I consider all curly girls to be my curly-haired sisters.  She’s all about being healthy by being natural – clean eating; DIY hair, skin, and body care.  While I’m not quite ready to dive back into the world of eating clean, I did feel prompted by God to take off the mask I created with make-up.  I had to admit that I was looking for security more in make-up than I was in Him.  I was letting it define me whether I was wearing it or not.

So, I packed up my make-up and started following Francheska’s lead.  I took a picture of myself on “Day 1” of my new skincare regimen.  I almost posted it.  I thought better of it.  I talked myself out of it “I’ll save it and use it as the ‘Before’ when I share the ‘After’ in six months.”  That is the much safer route, isn’t it?  Isn’t that the allure of “Transformation Tuesday”, “Throwback Thursday”, and “Flashback Friday”?  We can securely post a picture of our “Before” because we can confidently point to our “After”.  Unless we can’t.

I couldn’t.  I didn’t feel confident in pointing to my “After”.  And to be honest with you, I still don’t.  My “Before” is a glowing, even through make-up, mother-to-be. My “Before Before” is a strong, fit, and trim group fitness instructor.  My “After”?  I’ve been far from confident in my “After”. Frankly, I’ve been ashamed to post my picture.  And I find myself wanting to somehow mention that I just had twins – either in conversation or in the caption of a picture.

I’m working on it though.  Today I posted my first postpartum, no make-up, no filter selfie to Instagram.  I posted it on my new IG account, @catalyst_move, that is connected to Catalyst Movement – this blog and the Catalyst Movement ministry.  Some people may see the picture and wonder “What’s the big deal?”  For me, letting go of security blankets, masks, false idols – whatever you want to call them – is always difficult.  Even though I know that letting go allows me to better grasp onto my true security.  Have you let go of anything lately?  Is there something God is prompting you to let go of?

No Filter

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beauty

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Play Ball! (6/24/13)

June 9, 2014

My xis year old son, DJ, played in his first kickball game yesterday.  I had the pleasure of refereeing the game.  The game was our opening event for anew ministry at church – Fit for Jesus.  But that’s a blog entry for another day.

The players’ ages ranged from 5 to 12 years, with two 17 year olds as captains.  It was the most beautiful display of organized chaos I have had the honor to direct in quite some time.  The three adults present, myself being one of them, assumed that every child knew the rules of kickball.  Even if they had never played before, they had seen, or participated in baseball before.  Right?  We must have all thought that because we kept saying “It’s just like baseball”.

We (the adults) would intermittently need to yell “Time!” in order to explain, and in several instances re-explain, the basic rules of the game.  I must admit that it was very difficult to control my tongue and tone and not sarcastically ask, “Really, y’all?  Didn’t you hear us JUST explain what happens when someone catches a fly ball?”

The first couple of innings DJ didn’t get to kick because he was seventh or eight in the lineup.  A sense of pride swelled up inside of me when he finally stepped up to the plate.  His first kick was a strike.  He made contact with his second and took off running.  Unfortunately, it was a foul and he had to return to home.  But his third kick was good and I cheered for him while he ran to first.  With the next player’s play, DJ was able to advance to second.  While at second he couldn’t contain his excitement.  He danced on top of second plate, and again when he made it to third.  The third out took place before he could make it home.  But he didn’t care, and neither did I.  I enjoyed watching him run from plate to plate and how he danced while waiting at each plate.

During the second to last inning DJ scored his first run ever in a kickball game.  I called his name from across the field and we gave each other a long distance air high-five.  Now before you cry favoritism, I cheered on all the kids.  I may not have given them all a long distance high-five, but hey, it was his first time scoring in a kickball game.

DJ’s team was losing but the game became close during the third inning.  The game ended in the firth with a 16-16 tie.  While several of the kids were disappointed, DJ was pumped. It was his first kickball game and his team didn’t lose.  We lined the kids up and had them do the “good game” walk.

Earlier this morning it dawned on me that ht experience I had watching DJ play in his first kickball game is how God views our lives.  He watches with anticipation as we attempt to do something new for the first time. He cheers us on as that first kick is a strike, and even when the second one is a foul ball.  He screams for us to run when our kick is good.  All the while His heart swells with pride.  Not because we’re doing particularly well, but because we’re enjoying the experience and giving it our all.  And when we look confused about the rules of the game, He doesn’t have to force Himself to hold his tongue or watch His tone.  He doesn’t grow impatient, or become sarcastic.  he lovingly reminds us of His commandments and promises, and pats us on our bottoms as He tells us to get back in the game.

I am stepping up to the plate in my own life, doing things I have never done before – this blog being one of them.  Strike, foul, or home run; win or lose; I will walk in the blessed assurance that my Coach is cheering me on.  He is watching from the outfield, filled with anticipation, His heart swelling with pride simply because I’m giving it all and trusting Him with the outcome.

 

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parenting

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First Blog Post (5/07/13)

June 7, 2014

This was my first blog entry for the blog I never published.  I had a domain and everything.  I even typed it up but never published it.  I wanted it to be perfect.  I still struggle with the lie of perfectionism.  It is a daily struggle rooted in fear.  But I know that love is greater than fear, and I have decided to just “Say It” – whatever IT may be. (See “Say It” for more background info).

I lost some important items in the past several days.  I would dress it up and say “misplaced” but the simple truth is – I lost them.  Did I immediately pray and ask God to reveal the location of each item (as I’ve taught my son to do)?  Nope.  With the exception of two of the items (debit card and checkbook), I really didn’t get overly concerned until I truly needed them.

The first thing I prayed to find was the charger for the Nook my son and I share.  That was last Thursday.  My son and I scoured the house and car looking for it.  I even searched my work area, i.e. my desk and bookcase, of my classroom.  At one point DJ asked if I had prayed yet.  I told him I had and he suggested I try again.  I found it this morning when I finally unplugged a boombox my husband rarely uses but insists on keeping plugged into an outlet in the bathroom.  I had been meaning to unplug it for days but had too many more important things begging for my time and attention.

The next item I prayed about was my debit card.  I really didn’t want to see that look on my husband’s face – the one reserved for  me losing important things – again.  I trusted that it hadn’t fallen into the clutches of evildoers.  So, I prayed that God would give me peace until I found the card.

Now the checkbook kind of flustered me, I must admit.  The only reason I had it on me was because I couldn’t find the debit card. It was raining, my son was grumpy and hungry upon waking up from a three hour nap and I just wanted to get home.  Needless to say I was juggling too much to properly search for the checkbook.  So I used my personal – well, actually, my health and fitness business – debit card. I didn’t even bother to pray about it.  Well, I may have asked God to to let it fall into the hands of evildoers.

When I got to work on Monday I found my debit card.  Actually, my substitute found it and displayed it in such a manner that I could clearly see it but the wandering eyes of evildoers could not.  I found my checkbook as I went to grab my work ID from the side panel of my car door this morning.

So what have I learned over the last five days? Juggling too many tasks is when I typically lose something.  Be it something tangible like a debit card or intangible like peace, joy, patience, and gentleness.  Avoiding tasks is usually when I miss the opportunity to find those lost things.  I’m very grateful that my God is in the Lost and Found business.

side note: DJ and I are big Marvel and DC comic fans.  Hence all the references to evildoers.

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organization

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So I Was Thinking About ADH… Squirrel!

June 4, 2014

I’m not sure why God brought this topic to my mind this morning.  That’s usually how my thought process works though – randomly.  I had just put the boys in their rockers and out on the screened in porch so they could get fresh air while I made some breakfast.  And while I was hustling to make my shake and eggs as fast as I could, I started thinking about how much I disagree with the diagnosis of ADHD. No, I’m not one of those people who doesn’t believe in the existence of ADHD. If you are, cool.  But I’m not.

I totally believe that God blessed some of us with the ability to multimultitask (nope, not a typo) and more energy than others.  Whenever people offer me coffee I politely decline, letting them know that “God made me caffeinated”.  What I don’t believe in is our country’s obsession with treating ADHD like it’s a disease. I blame Big Pharma for that one.

I was diagnosed with ADHD my sophomore year of college.  You read that correctly COLLEGE. I started to see a therapist to deal with PTSD resulting from sexual assault and I walked out of his office with a prescription for Ritalin.  No joke.  I’m not mad at him, though.  If it weren’t for the accommodation that the diagnosis afforded me, I doubt I would have graduated from college on time. It also forced me to deal with my organization and time management issues.

I remember filling out the DSMIV questionnaire and wondering if somehow the creators of the test had based it on my life.  Then the kicker. The counselor told me that although I met the DSMIV criteria, he would need to see copies of my grade school report cards to confirm the diagnosis. Thankfully my mom suffers form a mild case of hoarding and she had most of  my report cards.

Every one of them reported something along the lines of “Very bright girl, but won’t stay in her seat.” And “Very gifted in math, but won’t stop talking.” And my favorite “Very smart girl, but doesn’t turn in her assignments on time.”  I can’t stand when students try to turn in late work in math.  It kind of defeats the purpose of practice.  But I digress…

We didn’t have Ritalin when I was a kid.  Why not?  Because no one was diagnosed with ADHD.  Why not?  Because moms like mine would kick their kids out of the house if they tried to stay in doors and watch TV while it was still light outside.  There were times when I would get back from playing with a friend down the street and if my mom thought I seemed a little too energized still she would tell me to go back outside and get more of my “ya-yas” out.

Although getting my “ya-yas” out helped at home, that practice didn’t serve me too well at school.  We only had one extended recess break to relieve pent up “ya-yas”.  And no amount of releasing of said “ya-yas” was going to help with my lack of organization and time management skills.

But I made it through grade school and high school.  I did not make straight A’s.  In fact, I only made it the honor roll one quarter in the 8th grade because my mom really wanted one of those stickers.  You know the ones.Today, most parents are more interested with the letter grade their student earns than the knowledge and skills they acquire (or in a lot of cases, don’t – in spite of what letter grade they earned).

As an adult I still struggle with these issues.  I do not claim ADHD though.  I will not wear that label.  Again, not because I don’t believe in its existence. I just don’t believe in the disease-medication approach.  So nowadays I exercise regularly to exert my “ya-yas” in a way that benefits my health.  At least once a month I purge my kitchen and dinning room of papers and try to keep pertinent paperwork organized.  And when I have tasks I need to get done, I make a to-do list and use a timer to keep me on target.

What will I do if one of my boys is suspected of having ADHD, you ask?  I’m going to tinker with their diets and enforce strict sleep schedules.  I’m going to have mandatory playtime outside whether they like it or not.  I will have them participate in organized sports if need be. I will teach them how to keep organized backpacks, binders, and how to use an agenda (day planner). If medicine is still necessary, so be it, but these are life skills that they need to master.  Life skills that a pill cannot teach them.

I would love to tie this up in a nice bow and ask you an engaging question to which you can respond by writing in the “comment” box.  But my next blog has been trying to interrupt this one the whole time I was typing so, gotta go.

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random

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Say It

May 28, 2014

I love music. Not like. Love. I am not musically gifted.  I can’t write music. I can’t read it anymore. I don’t play an instrument. I was a band geek in intermediate school (Junior High or middle school depending on where you live) but gave up on it when I got to high school because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to play and march at the same time.

I thank God for the musically gifted. For those who can string notes together to create music that makes me bob my head, bounce my shoulders, sway back and forth, and drive more recklessly than I hope my kids ever notice.  I have a special appreciation for those who can write lyrics. It’s so personal, regardless of the genre.

I love music. It is one of my favorite ways to connect to God. Just like reading Scripture, I can hear a song a hundred times and get something different from it each time.  One line.  One word.  It can feel like a message straight from God.

For over a year the song that has spoken to me the most is Britt Nicole’s “Say It”.  Most people have a life verse.  This is my life song.  Just like everything we read senior year in AP Lit, I’m sure there are a hundred different interpretations of the song.  But what convicts me time and time again is that…

I just need to begin. I don’t always know what God’s will is for me in a given situation and I can easily become paralyzed, doing nothing.  But the truth is I do know what His will is for my life.  I don’t need a sign – be it neon or a burning bush – to make every big decision. Although I confess I would like one. How cool would that be?

I need God’s help to make the most of what is mine. Stewardship and contentment do not come naturally to me. I don’t think I’m alone in this one. I’m prone to waste my time and my money. And the thing is, as a wife and mother, these resources aren’t my own to squander. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that when I feel flustered, these are the resources I daydream about having in abundance.

I’m gonna say it. We may not agree, but I’m going to say it. It may come out imperfectly, but I’m going to say it. I would like to finish conversations with a nice nugget of wisdom tying the whole thing up in a nice bow. Maybe I grew up watching too many sitcoms that resolved all conflicts within 30 minutes and my expectations are unrealistic. The truth is I’m prone to bounce from topic to topic within any given conversation and only wrap it up when one of the Floyd boys requires my undivided attention.

“Say It” is my go to 3 minute life manifesto that inspired me to start this blog.  It’s a gentle reminder when I try to over-complicate things.  Do you have a life song?

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music

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